Ten Steps to a Less Than Perfect Thanksgiving

I always try to make every holiday and event perfect. Often I get so worked up in every detail that I forget to relax and enjoy the time. So when I saw this article by Donna Pilato, it made me chuckle.
At this time of year we're inundated with idyllic visions of loving families gazing at a perfectly browned, moist turkey. Heaping bowls of side dishes are artfully arranged around the bird. The table has been set with the finest crystal and china that has been passed down from one generation to the next. Not a soul looks frazzled, not a hair out of place, not a spot of grease mars the picture-perfect clothing on each cherub of the youngest generation.
If that's the image you're looking to create at your Thanksgiving table this year, you need to reconsider the wisdom of this objective. Why should we set ourselves up for the inevitable failure? can perfection really exist given our human frailties and shortcomings? It's much easier, in my opinion, to strive for a less than perfect Thanksgiving. You're guaranteed to come out a winner at the end of the day.
So here are my tips for planning a less than perfect Thanksgiving this year.

1. Be sure to leave that little package of turkey innards tucked deep inside the turkey cavity, behind the stuffing. That way, when the stuffing is scooped out at the Thanksgiving table, everyone can watch the mystery package appear in the last spoonful.

2. Insist that you will cook everything yourself for this meal, even though you receive many offers of assistance. There's nothing more satisfying than feeling like an exhausted martyr on a holiday.

3. Plan a menu that includes mostly new recipes that you've never tried before. That way you and your guests can discover together how the dishes turn out when they're done. Plus, you have the added element of surprise of not knowing the exact timing for these dishes.

4. Include lots of recipes from new cuisines that are different from your family's heritage. Think of the look of surprise on your Aunt-Myrtle-from-Ohio's face when she bites into one of those little Thai chile peppers in your dressing.

5. Begin to defrost your turkey on Thanksgiving morning. You know how magazines tend to exaggerate how long it takes to defrost and roast those little gobblers. And who cares if dinner's not ready until 9:00 p.m.? You can save those leftover sandwiches for lunch the next day instead of the evening snack.

6. Don't let anyone in your house eat until guests arrive. You don't want everyone filling up before the big meal. So what if the kids spend all morning whining that they're hungry? It builds character.

7. Decide that this will be the day to end those old family grievances for once and for all. Turkey always makes grudges go down easier. Plan your seating so that any known warring family members will sit next to one another. That will force them to work things out. Even it they don't, this will create memories and anecdotes for future holidays.

8. Leave setting the table and pulling out serving pieces until your guests arrive. You have too much to worry about with all the cooking you'll be doing. Use your everyday glasses and dishes - we wouldn't want a clumsy relation to break your good stuff. And don't forget to plan an extra couple of minutes right before they're scheduled to arrive to iron your table cloths. These things hardly take any time, right?

9. Plan on cooking everything Thanksgiving Day. So what if you don't have enough burners on your stove to accommodate everything at one time. You need an opportunity to prove to your spouse that your kitchen is due for a renovation.

10. Spend the whole day yelling at your children and spouse about how they're not helping and you've got so much to do. It will give them something truly to be thankful for - that Thanksgiving comes only once a year!